Nicety is Not Necessarily a Necessity

Nicety is Not Necessarily a Necessity

We live in a culture where most people don’t want to offend. Most people don’t want to say the “wrong” thing. Most people don’t want to upset others. Most people don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I’m not saying these are all “bad,” but I’m also not going to say they are all good either. 

Evil can certainly masquerade as offended, wronged, upset, and hurt feelings. And if evil isn’t confronted - and even attacked - then it will keep on going and growing. Like most things in this life, it isn’t what we do or say, but it’s how we do it or say it. 

To be honest, confrontation is inevitable when you live around people. People aren’t always going to have the same views, ideas, and opinions as you. And that’s ok. The difference and exchange of opinion, view, information, and ideas is how we learn and grow. 

To be Christian is to face opposition. Like I said, it’s inevitable to disagree with people. I’m not saying we should always welcome it - but we definitely shouldn’t avoid it. Jesus never went looking for it, but He certainly never avoided it. He called it out whenever He needed to. 

And there definitely were times when Jesus wasn’t nice about it. Calling the Pharisees a “brood of vipers” ruffled some feathers in His day, and would have hurt some feelings in ours. He wasn’t always nice, but He certainly was always kind. Because the truth is… the truth is kind, but it’s not always nice. From your perception, you may not see the truth as nice, but it certainly is kind. 

So then what’s the difference? I’m so glad you asked. Some may say these two are synonymous, but I would implore there is a strong difference. To start, nice avoids while kind confronts. This is a major difference. Nice avoids confrontation at all costs. And if it doesn’t avoid it, nice certainly tries to neutralize it. Kind isn’t afraid of confrontation and disagreements, but does it with love and respect. 

Here’s another major difference that’s worth pointing out… niceness is not a fruit of the Spirit, but kindness is. Niceness isn’t cultivated in your life by the Holy Spirit working in you, but kindness is. 

And to be honest, I think we have plenty (maybe even too much) niceness in this world, and not nearly enough kindness. We have enough avoiding difficult conversations because of a difference of opinion. We have enough avoiding confrontation that may need to be had. 

Difficult conversations and confrontations aren’t any less difficult when you approach them in kindness. They aren’t less difficult, but they are more productive. They aren’t less difficult, but it’s challenge that brings change. You can challenge in love and still disagree with someone. 

Don’t avoid the difficult things of life. Approach them with wisdom and love. This is the only way and it’s the exact way that Jesus approached them. Don’t shoot for nice. Don’t always be nice. Love isn’t always nice. Shoot for kind. Always be kind. Love is always kind. 

A harsh truth spoken in love is a kind word.