Situational Dependency
Situational Dependency
Like many a good parent this past Christmas, my kids got bikes. My older one had a bike that she has grown out of and my younger one can’t quite fit into that one yet. So, they both got bikes that fit them. And they really enjoy their new bikes when we go outside to ride…for about 6 minutes.
Learning to ride a bike is a rite of passage for all kids, and my kids will be no different. However, teaching my kids to ride on their own is quite tiresome. For me, not for them. They get bored. I get tired.
After the initial excitement, inevitably, laziness and boredom mix together into a volatile cocktail that usually produces whininess and a tear or two. And before you judge my parenting skills, I know my kids aren’t the only ones that drink from this volatile cocktail elixir. I’m sure I did too as a kid. You probably did too somehow, someway.
Working with my kids on learning this rite of riding has taught me something of both kids and adults. We all want situational dependence. When my kids get lazy and don’t want to put in the work or are having a tough time pedaling, they want dependence and for me to push them.
I’ve found this to be true in my own life too. When God is trying to teach me something, when He’s letting me do some things on my own, when He’s letting me struggle just enough to stretch me so I grow… I have situational dependence.
The flip side of this phenomenon is what my three year old tells me often; “Me do it!” This is situational independence. This is what I catch myself doing with God all the time. When I want to handle it, or think I can handle it all on my own, or when I want it done my way instead of His, I give God the ole “Me do it!”
And when it takes twice as long to go half as far I wind up wising up and asking for His help. And He always does because He is a good and loving Father. He’s always there waiting for us to ask for His guiding hand.
That’s the funny thing about situations. God works in the ones we give Him. True, He’s doing things that we know nothing about. After all, His thoughts and ways are higher than our thoughts and ways. He’s doing things behind the scenes in our lives that we couldn’t possibly imagine or maybe even understand. But He also works in the situations we give Him.
And when He works, let Him work the way He wants - His way. Again, His thoughts and ways are higher than ours. In fact, Jesus said in Matthew 7 that even those who are evil know how to give good gifts to their children. How much more will our Heavenly Father give good gifts? (verse paraphrased)
The problem isn’t the gift that God gives. The problem is our perspective of the gift. Sometimes we won’t know until years down the road that a closed door was actually a good gift. I had this happen to me about seven years ago now. A job I thought was a dream job was a door closed in my face. Turns out, that was a really good gift that I didn’t understand until years later. But God knew all along.
The closer we get to God, the more we trust Him. The more we trust Him, the more we move away from situational independence, and closer to dependency. Dependency produces intimacy. If you don’t believe me, just look at a newborn baby and their mother. That baby is fully dependent and that relationship is extremely intimate.
This is exactly what God desires with us because He knows how to give good gifts to us. How to bless us. How to direct us. How to shape and challenge us. How to grow us.
So if you’re like me and tend to lean towards the me-do-it’s’, learn to lean the other way. Faith and trust will make dependency a lot easier. Not easy, just easier. And dependency will produce intimacy and that, in turn, will produce more dependency.
God has great plans for you. Will you let Him lead you there?
Like many a good parent this past Christmas, my kids got bikes. My older one had a bike that she has grown out of and my younger one can’t quite fit into that one yet. So, they both got bikes that fit them. And they really enjoy their new bikes when we go outside to ride…for about 6 minutes.
Learning to ride a bike is a rite of passage for all kids, and my kids will be no different. However, teaching my kids to ride on their own is quite tiresome. For me, not for them. They get bored. I get tired.
After the initial excitement, inevitably, laziness and boredom mix together into a volatile cocktail that usually produces whininess and a tear or two. And before you judge my parenting skills, I know my kids aren’t the only ones that drink from this volatile cocktail elixir. I’m sure I did too as a kid. You probably did too somehow, someway.
Working with my kids on learning this rite of riding has taught me something of both kids and adults. We all want situational dependence. When my kids get lazy and don’t want to put in the work or are having a tough time pedaling, they want dependence and for me to push them.
I’ve found this to be true in my own life too. When God is trying to teach me something, when He’s letting me do some things on my own, when He’s letting me struggle just enough to stretch me so I grow… I have situational dependence.
The flip side of this phenomenon is what my three year old tells me often; “Me do it!” This is situational independence. This is what I catch myself doing with God all the time. When I want to handle it, or think I can handle it all on my own, or when I want it done my way instead of His, I give God the ole “Me do it!”
And when it takes twice as long to go half as far I wind up wising up and asking for His help. And He always does because He is a good and loving Father. He’s always there waiting for us to ask for His guiding hand.
That’s the funny thing about situations. God works in the ones we give Him. True, He’s doing things that we know nothing about. After all, His thoughts and ways are higher than our thoughts and ways. He’s doing things behind the scenes in our lives that we couldn’t possibly imagine or maybe even understand. But He also works in the situations we give Him.
And when He works, let Him work the way He wants - His way. Again, His thoughts and ways are higher than ours. In fact, Jesus said in Matthew 7 that even those who are evil know how to give good gifts to their children. How much more will our Heavenly Father give good gifts? (verse paraphrased)
The problem isn’t the gift that God gives. The problem is our perspective of the gift. Sometimes we won’t know until years down the road that a closed door was actually a good gift. I had this happen to me about seven years ago now. A job I thought was a dream job was a door closed in my face. Turns out, that was a really good gift that I didn’t understand until years later. But God knew all along.
The closer we get to God, the more we trust Him. The more we trust Him, the more we move away from situational independence, and closer to dependency. Dependency produces intimacy. If you don’t believe me, just look at a newborn baby and their mother. That baby is fully dependent and that relationship is extremely intimate.
This is exactly what God desires with us because He knows how to give good gifts to us. How to bless us. How to direct us. How to shape and challenge us. How to grow us.
So if you’re like me and tend to lean towards the me-do-it’s’, learn to lean the other way. Faith and trust will make dependency a lot easier. Not easy, just easier. And dependency will produce intimacy and that, in turn, will produce more dependency.
God has great plans for you. Will you let Him lead you there?
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